Axel’s Diet Paradox

Faced with February’s conundrum of strict foods and grub, I’ve been lying awake at night staring at all the bunny toys that now hang from our pen. Since Abby’s vet visit, we’ve had to endure a strict meal plan with these terrible tasting high fibre pellets and bunny salads in the early mornings and evenings.

We don’t even get bananas or dried strawberries! Oh, how I miss hearing the jiggles of the bun-bun treats. I’d leap from my loft and do binkies upon binkies for them. I’ll tell you the whole story. For two days Abby had a tummy ache. One morning we all noticed she just wasn’t herself. She was withdrawn and didn’t eat her breakfast. I knew something was up and stayed with her throughout the morning.

The next thing I know, the human appeared with our traveling box and Abby was taken away. I was so worried about her – but let’s not tell her that!

That afternoon she returned and told me everything. I just about fainted when I found out where she‘d gone. It gives me the shivers just thinking about that place. Apparently, she met a Golden Retriever named Molly, who also had an upset tummy, but rabbits must always be suspicious when talking to over-eager dogs.

Since our Abigail had the pangs of a belly ache, she was given some rabbit medicine to take home with her. She said the veterinarian gave her a belly rub and although it was uncomfortable, it helped to make things feel better. She complained about all the fuss and medicine being squirted down her mouth. The poor thing!

Every couple of hours the human would pop her head into her litter box as if looking for something… she’d give Abby nose rubs before leaving.

I’m glad the pep in Abby’s step has returned. It was just last Thursday that I was greeted with:“You’re looking like the largest tuxedo plumpkin ever!” after barreling past me and running down the hallway. It’s not my fault I block the bunny dish. I mean all bunnies gain a few ounces over the holidays, right? I think she’s a little thick around the saddle too.

Today I’ve dumped those ridiculous enrichment toys into the water bowl. The human stares me down with folded arms, but she never wins. That’s the thing about us Dutch rabbits, we’re determined buns and are very communicative about it. I gave her the bunny shun and eventually passed out, or as Abby likes to call it – the pudge sprawl. Whatever...

I slept on the toilet paper goody bags that had been left for us to play with and crushed them. They too are now in the water bowl. To vent my frustration about this whole leaner diet thing, I’ve really gotten into rug chewing. In fact, I’m now showing Abby how the real nip and tear is done. One of my rug strands got caught in that loud ghoulish noise machine that wheels about this place. I make a point to thump and pin my ears at it if it gets too close. The human always seems to grumble when pulling my rug strings out of that terrible noise machine. Why it comes out at all I have no idea.

I’m now sitting on my loft, just wasting away. We’re left with just hay to eat throughout the day and it’s not even alfalfa. I decided to withhold any sign of affection as my form of peaceful disobedience throughout this whole healthy bunny nonsense! There will be no snuggles with Axel tonight.

Your Tuxedo Plumpkin,